2013 Commencement Address:
I'll try to keep my remarks to 140 characters or less so you can retweet the whole thing later...
These students behind me probably know me for a few things – some good, some bad – at least in students' minds. I am the guy who assigns a bunch of work. (Hopefully more good than bad... It probably depends on which one you ask…) But I hope a couple things they know about me is that I always expect them to put forth their best effort, and I don't expect them to do anything I wouldn't do. So when Alyssa and Kayla asked me to speak tonight, I quickly agreed and decided I would give the graduating seniors my best speech. And I believe this is the best advice I can give them.
Buy the engagement and wedding rings on eBay or Craigslist...
Girls, I'm just kidding... Guys, you know what I'm talkin' about...
And now for my second-best advice...
“No regrets.” Today that is probably more widely known as “you only live once,” or YOLO. But I hate those cliché phrases, mostly because boneheads use them all the time. Look these terms up on the Internet and you'll see they are almost always used as an excuse after doing stupid things. (I just lost all the money I got from my open house when I lost a bet that Mr. Bulgrien wouldn't say that "Girls, I'm just kidding" thing. Oh well, #yolo...)
I think that's not at all what "no regrets" or "you only live once" should mean. Those phrases should mean that you ought to live your life in order to have no regrets at the end of it.
Here's something I think is profound, even though I'm way over 140 characters by now, so it's not profound enough for the “wisdom of Twitter:”
Most of the things that we end up regretting later are quick and/or easy. Racking up credit card debt or other debts. (You know, businesses don’t offer deals like zero money down and zero payments for twelve months in order for them to lose money…) Getting in an argument over nothing. Posting every detail about your private life online. (I think some people violate their own privacy sometimes…) Cheating on a test or an assignment because you didn't properly prepare. Going back on promises or vows because it's convenient at the time.
Most of the good things in life, on the other hand, take a long time and a lot of effort. But they're worth it. Staying out of debt and investing for your retirement and your kids' education. Not getting pulled into an argument. Showing discretion and modesty. Learning a subject matter so you actually know it after your grades don’t matter anymore. Accepting responsibility for your actions. Falling in love. Fulfilling your commitments. Doing what's best for your children, whether they like it – or you – at the time or not.
There are bound to be plenty of exceptions to this rule of thumb – that things that take a lot of time and effort tend to be good and things that are quick and easy tend to be bad for us – but you should expect exceptions to any rules given to you by an English teacher…
And of course you'll still have some regrets. You'll have many regrets. But the fewer the better. And to have fewer regrets, you need to consider this advice routinely. Since this speech is for you and not really about me, I'll only give two examples from my life to illustrate my point:
I didn't buy the rings on eBay or Craigslist...
Girls, you know I'm just kidding... Guys, I'm serious...
My second example is from this week, in fact. And it has nothing to do with school or education, even though this is a high school graduation, because I want to make the point that this is personal and longer term than any formal education you’ve had or plan on having. This advice is for the rest of your life.
A few nights ago as I was working on this speech after my kids' bedtime, my four-year-old son got down from his bed and told me that he couldn't sleep – he wanted to sit on my lap and watch the baseball game with me.
That happens fairly often with him, and sometimes I have to tell him I'm too busy, or it's too late, he needs to go to sleep on his own. And I was too busy. I had tests and research papers to grade as well as this speech to write, after all. But I thought I'd regret it later if I didn't let him sit on my lap some of the times when I have a chance. He's already four, and it seems like it was just yesterday when he came out and peed over the doctor's shoulder... I'm referring to the day he was born. I don't let him pee towards medical professionals any more...
Anyways, while my son was sitting on my lap, he asked me out of the blue, "Daddy, do you love me?" And so I got to tell him that I love him very much at a time when I know he was actually listening to me.
This might seem like something insignificant, but part of what I want to tell you tonight is that there are a lot of things that are minor details that really don’t matter. And there are many things that seem insignificant but are really quite important – like the way you talk to your parents. The way you treat your spouse and your family when you’re busy. The way you react to your kids when they ask you questions. The way you react to them when they misbehave. These seemingly small things can make big differences in the long run.
Of course, you can’t control events, or your parents, or your spouse, or your kids, but you can control yourself. And it’s surprising how many things that does involve – or at least affect.
Now, I could give you many more examples of times I've done things that I won't regret. And I could give you a whole lot of examples of things I've done that I do regret, but the point I want to make tonight is that what really matter are the trends in our lives.
I’m sure that my son will not remember sitting on my lap for those five minutes when he's my age… or even when he’s only your age… or even next year when he's five. He may even have forgotten it already. But if I routinely show my kids that they are more important to me than work, they will remember that. If something happens once, it could just be a fluke; if it happens regularly it becomes a trend – either a good habit or a bad habit.
This year could be the best year of your life… and it could go downhill from here. Or your life could keep getting better, year after year, and this could be just the beginning. You see, you graduates are at the age when you are creating and solidifying your own routines – your trends – based on your priorities. Now is the time to think about how you will handle the independence of adulthood. It’s time to consciously consider what your priorities are and to live according to them, rather than living life by default and possibly dealing with regrets later for not doing what actually is most important.
Will you show your parents that talking with them is less important than your addiction to your cell phone? How will you feel about that after your parents are gone? I’ve never heard any of my friends who have lost parents say, “I wish I spent less time with my parents when I had the chance.” Are you going to get a credit card now that you’re 18 so you can start a habit of owing other people money? How are you going to balance study time and personal time in order to have no regrets about it when you finish college – if you finish college? How are you going to balance work and family time? How will you choose whom to date or to marry? Will you routinely show your family that you love them, or will you show them there are many things more important than they are? Will you show them that you care about yourself more than you do them?
I believe that if we consciously and regularly consider what is most important before we make decisions, then we will still have some regrets, but we will get better and better at living in such a way as to have no regrets.
I'll try to keep my remarks to 140 characters or less so you can retweet the whole thing later...
These students behind me probably know me for a few things – some good, some bad – at least in students' minds. I am the guy who assigns a bunch of work. (Hopefully more good than bad... It probably depends on which one you ask…) But I hope a couple things they know about me is that I always expect them to put forth their best effort, and I don't expect them to do anything I wouldn't do. So when Alyssa and Kayla asked me to speak tonight, I quickly agreed and decided I would give the graduating seniors my best speech. And I believe this is the best advice I can give them.
Buy the engagement and wedding rings on eBay or Craigslist...
Girls, I'm just kidding... Guys, you know what I'm talkin' about...
And now for my second-best advice...
“No regrets.” Today that is probably more widely known as “you only live once,” or YOLO. But I hate those cliché phrases, mostly because boneheads use them all the time. Look these terms up on the Internet and you'll see they are almost always used as an excuse after doing stupid things. (I just lost all the money I got from my open house when I lost a bet that Mr. Bulgrien wouldn't say that "Girls, I'm just kidding" thing. Oh well, #yolo...)
I think that's not at all what "no regrets" or "you only live once" should mean. Those phrases should mean that you ought to live your life in order to have no regrets at the end of it.
Here's something I think is profound, even though I'm way over 140 characters by now, so it's not profound enough for the “wisdom of Twitter:”
Most of the things that we end up regretting later are quick and/or easy. Racking up credit card debt or other debts. (You know, businesses don’t offer deals like zero money down and zero payments for twelve months in order for them to lose money…) Getting in an argument over nothing. Posting every detail about your private life online. (I think some people violate their own privacy sometimes…) Cheating on a test or an assignment because you didn't properly prepare. Going back on promises or vows because it's convenient at the time.
Most of the good things in life, on the other hand, take a long time and a lot of effort. But they're worth it. Staying out of debt and investing for your retirement and your kids' education. Not getting pulled into an argument. Showing discretion and modesty. Learning a subject matter so you actually know it after your grades don’t matter anymore. Accepting responsibility for your actions. Falling in love. Fulfilling your commitments. Doing what's best for your children, whether they like it – or you – at the time or not.
There are bound to be plenty of exceptions to this rule of thumb – that things that take a lot of time and effort tend to be good and things that are quick and easy tend to be bad for us – but you should expect exceptions to any rules given to you by an English teacher…
And of course you'll still have some regrets. You'll have many regrets. But the fewer the better. And to have fewer regrets, you need to consider this advice routinely. Since this speech is for you and not really about me, I'll only give two examples from my life to illustrate my point:
I didn't buy the rings on eBay or Craigslist...
Girls, you know I'm just kidding... Guys, I'm serious...
My second example is from this week, in fact. And it has nothing to do with school or education, even though this is a high school graduation, because I want to make the point that this is personal and longer term than any formal education you’ve had or plan on having. This advice is for the rest of your life.
A few nights ago as I was working on this speech after my kids' bedtime, my four-year-old son got down from his bed and told me that he couldn't sleep – he wanted to sit on my lap and watch the baseball game with me.
That happens fairly often with him, and sometimes I have to tell him I'm too busy, or it's too late, he needs to go to sleep on his own. And I was too busy. I had tests and research papers to grade as well as this speech to write, after all. But I thought I'd regret it later if I didn't let him sit on my lap some of the times when I have a chance. He's already four, and it seems like it was just yesterday when he came out and peed over the doctor's shoulder... I'm referring to the day he was born. I don't let him pee towards medical professionals any more...
Anyways, while my son was sitting on my lap, he asked me out of the blue, "Daddy, do you love me?" And so I got to tell him that I love him very much at a time when I know he was actually listening to me.
This might seem like something insignificant, but part of what I want to tell you tonight is that there are a lot of things that are minor details that really don’t matter. And there are many things that seem insignificant but are really quite important – like the way you talk to your parents. The way you treat your spouse and your family when you’re busy. The way you react to your kids when they ask you questions. The way you react to them when they misbehave. These seemingly small things can make big differences in the long run.
Of course, you can’t control events, or your parents, or your spouse, or your kids, but you can control yourself. And it’s surprising how many things that does involve – or at least affect.
Now, I could give you many more examples of times I've done things that I won't regret. And I could give you a whole lot of examples of things I've done that I do regret, but the point I want to make tonight is that what really matter are the trends in our lives.
I’m sure that my son will not remember sitting on my lap for those five minutes when he's my age… or even when he’s only your age… or even next year when he's five. He may even have forgotten it already. But if I routinely show my kids that they are more important to me than work, they will remember that. If something happens once, it could just be a fluke; if it happens regularly it becomes a trend – either a good habit or a bad habit.
This year could be the best year of your life… and it could go downhill from here. Or your life could keep getting better, year after year, and this could be just the beginning. You see, you graduates are at the age when you are creating and solidifying your own routines – your trends – based on your priorities. Now is the time to think about how you will handle the independence of adulthood. It’s time to consciously consider what your priorities are and to live according to them, rather than living life by default and possibly dealing with regrets later for not doing what actually is most important.
Will you show your parents that talking with them is less important than your addiction to your cell phone? How will you feel about that after your parents are gone? I’ve never heard any of my friends who have lost parents say, “I wish I spent less time with my parents when I had the chance.” Are you going to get a credit card now that you’re 18 so you can start a habit of owing other people money? How are you going to balance study time and personal time in order to have no regrets about it when you finish college – if you finish college? How are you going to balance work and family time? How will you choose whom to date or to marry? Will you routinely show your family that you love them, or will you show them there are many things more important than they are? Will you show them that you care about yourself more than you do them?
I believe that if we consciously and regularly consider what is most important before we make decisions, then we will still have some regrets, but we will get better and better at living in such a way as to have no regrets.